A beautiful shining truth illuminated my mind recently… We are the eyes of the Universe! It is strange the way words are containers for meaning, and sometimes, depending on your perspective at any moment, they seem empty. Other times they are so full. They somehow capture the elusive, yet all encompassing light of all that is.
This moment now is the portal, the snapshot, the live window of all that is. And it is our eyes.. metaphorical eyes.. collaborative eyes, of every single being in the entire universe.. that are seeing what is. Seeing, perceiving, witnessing, experiencing and being, everything that is.
Our ability to be awakened to this perpetual instant, is everything that is. We are limiting and un-limiting in each moment. How fabulous is that? Nothing that was, still needs to be. Opening up to the vastness of this.. this vibrant, shimmering potential, is deeply liberating.
Feeling The Ego
Within this realisation, that is born again every time it is remembered, I began to understand all over again, the tricks of the ego. Sometimes, when I allow myself to leap on one of those thought trains, I begin to wonder why I am not just ‘doing’ more with the horses. Why not continue to train Quaramba, such a magnificent horse. Am I wasting her, are we wasting our lives? I know that this is my ego, because I can feel it, eating away, creating toxins that make me feel bad. The trouble is that I know it is my ego in my intellectual mind.. from thought. What I need is to feel it is my ego with my Self.
In this glimpse of light, there was profound acceptance, and I understood that progress cannot be seen at the surface with the intellectual mind. The voice that chatters about what I should be doing, what we could achieve and how it would appear, is unaware of the present moment
That voice does not know about the relationship we have grown from seed. The ego can only mimic and copy and try to reproduce what it thinks it sees. It is one dimensional. It could understand if we won a competition together for example, if there was a red ribbon. But the way we absorb each others awareness, the delicate touch of our mutual heart finding itself, the merging of being-ness right now… that is invisible to the egoic perspective.
The Only Truth There Is
All that exists and therefore all that matters, is each moment. That continuing to listen and be in each moment is the only way. That being truly in each moment is the only truth there is, has led me to be able to explore more intimately what we have now between us, the horses and I.
When I was training the horses before, the process became, over a period of twenty years, less and less invasive, intrusive or combative. This element of force can be deeply subtle, in fact it is a frequency of energy that must be followed all the way back into its root to allow a different energy to surface.
Liberating Being at the Root
Following back to the root was a long process of letting go. Letting go of pushing through the horse’s wishes… at first: no longer insisting the horse keep working when they wish to stop, no longer chasing them to be ‘caught’ in the field. Not holding on to their legs when trimming, or demanding they go where I wanted to lead them.
At the same time as unwinding the ‘offensive’ approach, another frequency was being born, and gently expanding.. the still point of being. The non-seeking, desire-free relationship. The interaction which is based solely on our authentic selves in the present moment. No thoughts intrude in this space of being, and therefore there are no demands or techniques based on thought. That doesn’t mean there is not action, feelings, touch, response…doing. Yet they are guided by the moment itself, the energetic flow, the channel.
There is not much to show on the surface of this shift in consciousness in a certain way. It is a feeling, a way that things are. A going deeper into being where the oneness of all is felt. Sometimes through this blowhole of being an idea will come. Without attachment, in perfect clarity. This happened the day I went to sit in the herd and invite Gabrielle’s system to come into the healing space. I took a little golden calcite sphere down with me.
Generational Healing
Sitting in the middle of the grazing herd.. feeling their energy.. channeling it into the connection with Gaby. First aware of her left shoulder, felt big/quite hard and pressing spine over to the right, close to right shoulder. Softening of this.. opening out.. rearranging..shifting into sense of Gaby’s neck squashed down to the left.. a diagonal line rather than vertical.. very dense and stuck.. aware of the horses moving out to create a bigger space for healing.. their eating/muzzles/nipping grass creating a powerful edge.. sense of going deeper into Nature.. the wildness itself..
Gaby’s neck pattern loosening.. into old occipital bruising, like a wedge/cut/wrinkle under the base.. sense of sun energy joining in.. rays intensifying, witnessing/channeling sun energy into the ancient pattern.. sense of Gaby when she was young, our relationship, the closeness.. sense of her Self, sense of my Self and allowing vulnerability, aware of the connection.. like four sun shapes.. or coins, Licia, Gaby and me, and Mum, all merging on top of each other as one.
Each the joyful self. Back into the physical.. sense of neck injury itself, brittleness.. golden calcite crystal took up the pattern.. long time, being with.. shifting between worlds, a sense of change.. potential, unfurling.. the pattern becoming more three dimensional .. the atlas vertebra realigning.. back into my pattern when pain was surfacing in my spine.. sense of completion, crystal quiet, letting go, the herd had gone into the barn.. the sun gentle now although the clouds are gone.
Thursday the 12th of November
Weaving Energy with the Herd
Another idea that came one day, was weaving energy with the herd. I was out in the field with them, aware of the channel of their energy into grazing.
The power and focus they train into feeding. Gradually becoming aware of the way the flow was travelling through each horse.
The energy through Quaramba is so charging and vibrant, and when it reaches Marie she seems to release it like a solenoid.. falling away to earth.. back into Cheyenne who is jolting and strong.. I follow the flow, almost like weaving each horse through my energetic awareness. This interaction feels intimate and therapeutic and free of restrictions.
Friday the 13th of November
I am learning to perceive a greater dimension which reveals itself through the simple holding of space in the moment. First there is sinking into the energetic reality, feeling how I feel, how the horses feel.. how the whole herd feels. Sensing Nature itself, the grass, the trees, the birds. There is a greater pattern in all of this which is glimpsed for longer and more clearly each time it is possible to enter. This day I was becoming aware of the intelligence of the herd again.. the way they find themselves within this world.
Embedding The Arena
The herd come with great energy into the arena, they explore with intention and then some of the mares run out, suddenly and almost wildly.. Aimée and Quaramba, but Rafi and Cheyenne stay. An impression comes to me that the herd is embedding the arena.. incorporating it into their energetic being-ness. I sense that my role is to witness the process.
Later on I wonder, can I embed the arena into me also? When I tune into this, there is a sense of a heavy soup of spirits and energetic patterns in the arena… like fog… eventually Rafi takes the herd away… his signal to go is so apparently subtle, yet has such a powerful effect.. I feel that there is work to do with the fog..
Saturday the 14th of November
This need to review, consolidate and conclude is a deep conditioning. Yet seen clearly, it only comes from the desire to control my experience here. To tie together all the present moments into a single story which is no longer in the present.
It is a fear of flow and change and letting go of being an individual. It cannot be ignored or deleted however, it must be gently forgotten when replaced by what is, through the eyes of the Universe.
