In science there is a figuring out which takes the whole and teases it into every little part in order to understand it. Like taking apart a machine, each little spring and cog and screw. The funny thing is that the watch doesn’t work anymore when it is separated into all of the individual pieces. The dynamic that it was no longer exists.

Perhaps separating out each element of our lives is the busy activity of the intellectual mind.. the ego.. working away, endlessly dividing everything up into fragments and worrying over them until the flowing dynamic that is life can no longer be felt for how it truly is. The glorious, multidimensional whole that it is.

Meditation in the Herd

How many times do we repeat the idea that we are all one being, how often is it truly felt? Feeling it requires letting go of the fragments and the fragmentation. It requires the still pointed willingness to Be, without hesitation or doubt.

And in being, an open moment of awareness fills with light. Whether it is seen or not, this light, this consciousness, is there, embracing and infusing all of us.

It doesn’t matter how awakened any separate fragment of human is, we are not the fragments that appear as individual people, but the one whole that is love.

In the last few weeks I have been remembering again that separations are only made in my mind. In exploring the wonder of energetic engagement, the energetic taking up of slack and feeling edge to edge with horses..being to being.. it seems that the best way to categorise the passage that results is divine order. Whatever is ready to be heard, to unfurl itself in the light of awareness and flow through, will arise. The magic practice of energetic engagement is a spell-weaving of consciousness where all that is can be seen. Perhaps it is simply opening a space for what exists in potential, to manifest itself in this physical reality. And in manifesting it is recognised and acknowledged and experienced. 

With Marie again in the barn, engaging, so powerfully within the energy. A huge swelling like tidal waves, a sense of channeling with the engagement.. Marie going deeper and deeper, as her body responds.. her back feels a little weak.. her kidneys a little heavy.. then a sudden jarring in her TMJ, so strong, and a piercing tension through her facial nerves.. so clear why the bridle was impossible for her.. staying with this channeling, so deep she staggered sideways… then a gradual calming.. there is still a physical holding but it is healing, it can heal in this new matrix…

Wednesday the 16th of December 

Marie again, engaging this time I felt the entire structure of her skull joining in… the way her TMJ is supported, the three dimensionality of the cranial mechanism … wider and deeper… the next layer, so much larger.. acknowledging its expression is enough.

Thursday the 17th of December

Feeling One

These were healing sessions and easy to categorise as such, yet that is not the whole picture. They arose unheralded from nothing but the pure engagement between us. This means that there is nothing else. Either we engage, and focus on what arises between us, whatever it manifests as, or we don’t engage. The possibility of influencing, altering or twisting this connection between us into a shape that comes from anywhere other than the present moment in consciousness itself seems impossible. Of course it is far from impossible, but to attempt to do so will stifle and limit the flow of conscious intelligence itself. And in this the divine order, the wisdom, the purpose of the Universe itself is lost.

Recently Quaramba has been drawing closer energetically, which is in contrast to her behaviour being more independent. She is establishing herself in the herd, rooting herself deeper and assuming her stature as eventual matriarch. She is also still playful and young, she has many friends and is not serious about taking on responsibilities yet. As I am bound deeper into the herd web, my relationship with Quaramba has been balancing itself, we are less consumed by our friendship.

Yet we both know that there is something that will manifest through us. I am in training for this, and I have the feeling that she is waiting for me to become an open channel. It seems clear that the matrix of engagement will have a different focus with her than some of the other horses. She is unhindered by damage inflicted by humans, she is unhindered by conditioning of any kind. 

Standing with Quaramba while she is resting. Becoming present and feeling into the engagement… a sense of rolling waves, like wind through corn fields, there is flow… ease.. no limits arising… a blissful connection.

After some time Quaramba begins to seek physically, touching, mouthing my hands, coming deep into my physical space, seeking touch.. seeking..

Friday the 18th of December 

There has never been this sense of pure seeking from her before in all of our interactions. Perhaps the space has still been affected to some degree by the noise of my expectations or her expectations. Now we have purified our meeting beyond physical desires of any kind, and this new seeking has arisen. Acknowledging this was all that felt important in this encounter. Trusting that the rest will follow. 

My most recent experience with engagement happened when Quaramba and Totti were lying down together in the field. It was a pleasant, sunny winter day and I was cleaning the field and decided to connect with them.  

Approaching Quaramba and Totti lying in the field, becoming still.. engaging.. feeling a golden light emanating from them.

A vision of a cave high up a mountain filled with gold.. they are the cave and the gold. 

Saturday the 26th of December

Gift of Horses

This experience reminds me of a session I had with myself where I became aware of the jewels inside me. They felt as crystals do, solid and glittering, filling the space with magic, with valuable gifts. I felt that I could become these inner gifts.. that they were all there waiting, unlimited. All I had to do was integrate with them and they melted within me and could manifest as they were needed.

It seems that this is what the horses are in our lives, glittering caves of treasure, just waiting to be discovered. It is not a question of exploiting them, or demanding that they fit into spaces we have made for them. As soon as it is possible to become still, to allow that space of being to open up, and fill with light, the gifts they bring will be visible, perceptible, in all their beauty. 

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