Change can come so suddenly that everything must be reformed and developed in a new way. This process of accepting change and being change is where I find myself right now.

being change

Three weeks ago my sister had an accident driving the tractor, and her little girl Licia, not quite four years did not survive. Gabrielle herself was seriously injured and is presently in hospital. She was paralysed in the accident. I have been staying for most of the week with my parents so I can look after Gaby’s herd and visit the hospital every day.

Every morning I work with her energetically if her system chooses it, and we do a hands-on Craniosacral session in the afternoon. So much has happened since Licia left the physical world. It is difficult to know where to begin, or what to include. I know that this new journey, this new life, is also my own journey. 

After two weeks I returned home for a couple of days and when I was saying goodbye to my herd again, they reminded me that there is no separation between us. Wherever I am, they can be… instantly. I understood this on some level before, but not the depth of it. The reality of it. There are so many divisions and separations created by the intellectual mind. For example, that an un-embodied spirit can be everywhere, but not an embodied one. Where did that idea come from?

So through the week, every time I thought about my horses, they were there. Travelling back from the hospital, feeling so tired, and becoming aware of Honey maying her head on my lap. One time in the hospital waiting room, the whole herd was there. Quaramba resting her muzzle on my shoulder, and Honey lying on the seats beside me. Marie all excited by the doors. Being change is always an opportunity when it is embraced as such.  

Since she was born, Gaby and I have always been very close sisters. She had a difficult childhood, growing up with a scoliosis in her spine, and punctuated by several accidents. The first when she was five years old, falling on the back of her head on the ice in the playground and losing her sight for a short period. I always felt very protective of her, and also very appreciative of her exceptional intelligence and talents. She won every prize there was at school, and didn’t even go to the ceremony to collect them.

Gaby was already focusing on the next challenge, doing brilliantly at Art college where she was accepted without even studying Art at school. She soon outgrew the intellect and comprehension of her professors, and she was offered a place at a highly recognised London college to continue her work with ceramics in the form of concrete sculpture installations. Again she switched directions when we decided to move to France and take all of our thirteen horses with us. Whatever the twists and bends and changes in the road, we have always come back together through our horses.   

We separated again when we both had partners. Gaby had her partner Xavier, and then Licia was born, I got married and chose to explore a new direction. I needed space and freedom to discover more about myself, and Gaby put everything into her new family. She is an exceptional mother. She gave Licia everything she needed, genuine, loving, unlimited attention. True presence, as well as protecting and supporting her physical health. We used to laugh about how Licia’s carnet de santé (medical records) had nothing in it.

Licia was the healthiest child. She never had a vaccination or a pharmaceutical medication in her life. She was also a highly sensitive being, and she found life quite challenging at times. Often she would tell us not to talk, she wanted us just to be. To listen.

As she got older she became more and more affectionate, she would wrap her arms around Gaby at least twenty times a day and tell her that she loved her. She did this to everyone she felt comfortable with.

Perhaps she knew that her soul path would take her out of her physical form because she became more clingy in this last year, and Gaby followed her intuition and accepted that. She often went against convention to be the limitless resource that Licia needed. 

So many people have been touched, and so many rifts and limitations have been resolved since Licia became spirit. The impact of this has only just begun. I sensed that when she left it was such a massive energetic shift, that Gaby was left wounded in her physical body. They were torn apart, and now she has taken on, fearlessly as always, a new challenge.

It is both terrible and inspirational, so deeply filled with grief and yet vastly held in joy. The paradox of the whole. This challenge, to heal her body and her loss, is all one journey. The experiences we have both had in this new coming together have been so far beyond words, and so many people around are also experiencing the frequency that has arrived from this portal opened by Licia. I feel no doubt nor fear about the path ahead, it is my purpose now, to support this process, in whatever physical form that manifests. The horses surround all of us, one vast herd, they are there. 

As I am now working with Gaby, with the support of the horses, rather than connecting directly with my herd, this is where I will start. I am sure this new path will lead deeper and deeper into the horse human relationship, but it starts here for me, in supporting Gaby’s recovery. I will only include the sessions which seem most significant:

Straight into upper arms… much potency, intense connection, into thoracic strain and moving rapidly into occipital/upper cervical area. Very strong pressure in the connection..felt in the crystal engagement..strong impression of holding, completely frozen, yet entirely engaged. Staying with this, supporting, awareness, infinite patience yet great power here. Aware of plexus of nerves and healing below. Engagement of collective consciousness…eventual release of pressure, first right side, in crystal, and felt in Gaby also, very clear, left side release then, almost simultaneous, gently over minutes yet all at once.

Very gently staying with release, not disengaging, still sense of lack of movement/flow, but necessary part of healing, very gradual process of disengagement, sense of need to rest here, yet supporting still. Feeling words I am with you repeating over and over, no pain or fear, only love, crystals letting go.. so careful and aware.. there and not there.. allow healing the pressure was protecting.. afterwards Horses outside neighing all over the field (physically)..

Monday 13th of July

Aware it is time to connect with the pain of loss for Gaby. Greyness, like mist and stone, everywhere. Begin to see the horses, making a v shape, one at the tip and then stretching back for miles and miles..all the horses in existence are there, waiting. Ready to carry the pain. Feeing  the pain like mist above them, not coming to earth. Sense Gaby’s hospital bed is there at the front. She is also above her body, not yet ready to make her choice to stay, to heal. Feel her wrists physically throughout..they are the portal somehow.

Licia comes amongst the horses, she is there at the front. Being herself, curious, joyful, yet somehow older and wiser, deep awareness of things. Sense of choice to stay young always, to stay innocent, without ego. To stay with the whole source. Directly. Gaby is coming back into her body. Sense in myself that I don’t have enough energy, curling up and lying down, then tapping into another source of energy..from my soul? All the horses are there for Gaby, I am feeling their appreciation, their love in knowing what she has done for them, for all horses.

It is so vast, so real, stretching for miles and miles. Licia is closer to Gaby, all around the bed. They are gradually coming back together. Gradually. There are many stages to go through, nothing is forced. Feeling Xavier collapsed on the ground, and slowly getting up, going to the bed, to Gaby, there at her side now. The pain has been a holding, a stone like quality held in the crystals. It does not leave, it becomes a little warmer, more fluid. Rest now.

Tuesday 14th of July 
being change

In the days after the accident when Gaby was unable to breathe independently, she went through an incredible process of dis-identifying from the fear of not being able to breathe. She had a near death experience which I did my best to record for her, in which she crossed into the world of spirit. This was when she chose to stay in her earthly body and carry on, becoming a carrier of light.

Leave a comment