Merging souls with the herd seems like it should be vast and unattainable. A rarified fusion so far from this world of noise and stuff. Yet it came about in such a quiet, unobtrusive way. Almost like an afterthought. The energetic world is parallel to the intellectual world. It can only be described in unsatisfactory words, and shown in videos where little happens on the behavioural level. The only way to enter is to go within yourself and listen..

Lost In the Energetic World

It took a while to connect, I was feeling very tired, and on reflection I understood that the processes were still unfolding and resolving at full steam. Connecting back in before they have settled seems harder. Perhaps it is because the forces are greater between the worlds, like trying to jump on a moving train. Eventually I began to feel as if I was deep down in a ravine, very small and far away. There was a pressure keeping me there, an inward direction. Is this what agoraphobia feels like?

I was unable to get out. It was too hot to sit outside so I went into the barn. The horses were being very friendly.. wanting to be close. I took a little break to treat Gorrion, because he asked, and to help with the flies. Reconnecting again and there is a sense of moving now, down or maybe along, plummeting or hurtling in fact, so fast. There is some anxiety.. I have no idea where I am going. Quaramba and then Aimée look at me as if I am strange. I am aware of the reflective nature of the inner and outer worlds.

Merging Souls : I Am The Horses

Sitting inside the field today and feeling the richness of nature, of life. I am aware of a growing excitement.. that this is enough.. this feels amazing.. just this. Now I am walking towards the herd.. it feels magical, like walking into the past.. or is it the future? Perhaps it is into another world. I picked up a beautiful stone. There is acknowledgment of the alignment, the perfection of this, a new relationship. I feel invited to sit at the boundary of the herd.

There was even a stone with crystals in it to sit on. I am sensing for the horses within me, and they seem both not there and there. I am seeking to understand this, then I realise with awe.. there is no differentiation.. I am the horses. There is a gradual, unfolding comprehension that this oneness is on the soul level. Our boundaries are dissolved.. there is such joy and magnificence.. Cheyenne approaches, and wow can feel her so easily, so deeply, every part of her body.. I feel so sensitive! 

Later Rafael approached and I felt his presence like a blanket being thrown over me.. comforting, wise, knowing… I could feel the edges of it, the weight of it, being within his consciousness. What was 2D has become 3D.. it was always there, but now I can feel it. I noticed that Quaramba did not approach. Usually she wants help with her flies but not today.. she is respecting the shift.

Wednesday the 3rd of June

Embracing the Concrete Within

I start sitting on the mounting block today, and the herd are far away. There is a dancing in our connection, something sparkly and magical between us, like glittery tissue paper. A feeling of making something is developing, like craft. The tissue is becoming glue, and it is sticky when we move.. there is a growing wish to stay still to stop the glue sticking us.. it is feeling messy and ugly now.. the glue on energetic fingers like warts…there is a sense of desolation and disappointment.

The horses are still there, they are still there but have gone quiet, they have given up, the sparkle is gone, they are like wet, soft lumps without definition… there is a sense of darkness between us, of conflict. The horses are changing into light energy, dissipating. I am turning back into myself, returning within.. there is sadness of loss. Now there is a shift within. I am returning outward to meet the horses’ light energy, and there is a clash like an electrical storm. I can feel the implacable nature of myself, the refusal to yield.

The horse energy is receding.. there is concrete in myself. I am embracing the concrete… there is shock dissipating physically, my physical leg muscles are shaking. I am becoming a defenceless, much younger self, the energetic horses are surrounding me and supporting me. Now there is a familiar feeling I am trying to explain and I realise it is tiredness. I was so deep in the process that I had forgotten what it was. 

Saturday the 6th June

The Spiral

My intellectual mind is wondering, are we going in circles? There are such phenomenal connections, such heightened experiences, and then we seem to hit another wall. Are we resolving the past or defining the future? Our merging souls felt so complete, and so assured, and yet there was more work to do.

It seems that we are addressing the way soul aligns with the body. The expression of the body and how consciousness experiences that. The only way is to keep following the energetic connection and see where it leads.