This week the herd and I have been continuing to explore our relationship. Every interaction we have is about this. Purposefully tuning into the interactions between us, releasing their parameters to change, this is the path that has opened for us. The latest subject which has arisen is the survival paradigm. Is it the blueprint for our relationship with horses? Survival is not only about whether you have enough food to eat. It is a perspective.. a belief system that shapes existence itself. 

At the beginning the horses indicated that they were ready to focus on the nature of our interaction. They all stood attentive in the barn.

After a while they chose to enter the arena again. They were still carefree and joyful in their behaviour, although there was an extra message this time, something to be listened to.

It was about their priorities. When they came out of the field, first they focused on the grass that was ready to be trimmed.

This was their number one priority, eating. They did not stay eating for a long time, but moved on into the arena to roll and trot about, attending to their second priority which was feeling comfortable in their bodies. It was clear that there was great energy available to fulfil these priorities, and I could sense a deep rift, a lack of alignment between these priorities and  my concept of ‘work/training’. This was an energetic pattern, like a broken bridge, or lack of any bridge at all.

Could the energy reserved for the horses priorities be channeled towards our work together? I began to study my own energy, and where it was aligned. It felt intense, singular, with a rubber-like quality, as if it was insular.. impermeable even. The horses began to leave the arena, but they came, one by one to offer support on their way past. Left behind with my energy I went right down to the framework. It felt so rigid , like a gear deep down that was immovable. Seeking to understand its nature I felt control, then eventually survival. On reaching this I could feel the same ‘survival’ gears in the horses’ energy also. The gears felt so rigid, and I wondered if we need to unhook ourselves from them completely in order to work together. 

29th April 2020

At the beginning of that session I realised that we tend to avoid considering the priorities of a horse because they might interfere with our priorities. If we want to work with a horse, to ride them out or manipulate them in any way, whatever they might be doing at that time has to take a back seat.

The question is not whether this action is fair or right, or even appropriate. If we don’t give consideration to the horse’s priorities, then how can we know we are in alignment with their will? It felt wholesome and valuable to be giving these issues acknowledgment. As much time and energy as they needed. The answers would be within them, not in avoiding them. 

Tuning in to the herd today, I felt them galloping into my presence. Physically they were grazing far away, but in energy they were rolling in like the ocean, united and powerful, without reserve. Whereas I felt my energy like a dam, solidly blocking their advance. Going deeper into this blocking it felt like I was breaking my nails holding on to something so desperately. My intellectual mind kept coming up with answers as to what this was.. what I used to know? a memory? but nothing came energetically and there was only tiredness and fear around the edges. A sense of waiting. The horses were there in spirit, waiting also, but their embodied selves did not approach. 

30th April 2020

I had been thinking about the survival question, and how it is the current paradigm for our planet. Our relationship with horses has been established in alignment with this. Are we ready to make the leap into a new paradigm? One founded on belief in oneness rather than separation? To believe you must survive you must also believe that you are separate, self reliant and independent. Yet to believe that you are both your Self and the Universe. A reflection of the perfection of creation. The manifestation of which lies in following your heart alone and trusting in the present moment.

This is a quantum leap sideways for our consciousness. Imagine how our relationship with horses would be if we let go of thinking they need to have a purpose prescribed by us.

That money or success have anything to do with the dialogue between us. That we could be free to go beyond the old limitations that make us think we can decide what is best for them, or that there is only one voice in the relationship, our own? 

There was a heavy vibration within me this day. I felt an energetic vibration like residue within me… gravel in a gutter. Concentrating on embracing this and the vibration shifted subtly to become like compost.. and into the feeling of death..  Going to be with the herd and absorbing their presence brought the realisation that this was the death of survival, that particular patterning of life. The death of those familiar depressing feelings which arise from seeing the disconnectedness in human society, and the lack of understanding. This was the death of the old way of living. And although we were so deep in death, there was the feeling of life waiting, the compost sense of richness and the promise of germination as well as sand and grit and residue. 

2nd of May 2020

This particular turn of the life spiral in this place, with this herd, feels so fundamental. At last to have the energy, the willingness and the faith to journey to the bottom of every energetic fold. To listen without interruption. To allow without intervention. The horses are magical in their enthusiasm to leap into the process. Perhaps they have been waiting for a long time, perhaps they are only ready now.

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