When the horses wellbeing is the most important thing for a horse guardian, it can feel conflicting to have a desire or a dream. I have been coming to terms with this for a long time. The last few months have been a wonderful swirling fruition of lifetimes. Neatly dropping so many aspects and ideas into perfect alignment. The perfect words from Source have arrived, and my readiness to absorb them. And I have so much eagerness for where we can go now as a herd. We are all so joyfully invested in this lifetime together. 

The Orphan Energy and Forward with Totti


Carrying on a little from the last post and the acknowledgments of Quaramba’s traumatic early experiences. We spent some more time exploring this together.

I could feel an energetic pattern in her of endless falling without landing. Of being cut loose, without the root energies of her mother, her parents and her herd. It seemed to be a memory, and the word orphan came through.

We only listened to it for a few minutes until she dropped down into her true self and reconnected with the Herd.  We have experienced this vibration of eternal family, of profound well-being, so many times. And understood so many times that it is always there. The only choice is whether we embrace it, or whether we superimpose something else. This realisation came to me, and it is truly everything that matters:

In this present moment we are One

This vibration expresses itself in a multitude of ways. One day, Totti was alone in the summer barn. She had such an air of forwardness, of enthusiasm, that I just got the saddle and the bridle out and put them on. It has been years and yet this unfolding was perfectly natural. She wanted to graze around the farm, and I sat on her while she did that. There was such solidity and calm in her, and she was enjoying the interaction. She liked to feel me there, and when the herd saw us, and particularly Quaramba got very excited, she resonated more with our soft companionship. 

Some days after that I took the saddle to the summer barn. Honey was in the forward vibration, and she was eager to wear it. Once it was on it felt right to tune into the herd energy and feel how the saddle relates to our connection. We were reminded of celebrating it. To resonate with its value. I could feel how it can be a channel for us to interact through, when it is comfortable and flexible, so it can form the channel and not obstruct it. As we made these realisations, Honey’s energy opened up, blossoming like a flower. This allowed Quaramba passage, and she investigated, and put herself forward as a wearer also.

After Quaramba’s turn, Honey was eager to try the saddle again, despite the herd gradually leaving. I could feel that there was a conflict of interests. It became clear that Honey felt some obligation to me, because of the saddle, despite the fact that she was more comfortable staying with the herd. I saw it as the perfect opportunity to demonstrate that we don’t have to be out of alignment. It is more important for me that she is at ease, and whatever that look like is good. As soon as she felt this she skipped off outside and all was well. It was a reminder of the generosity of horses, and how concerned they are to please us. 

A few days later the herd was in the winter barn, and it came to me that I could invite them to visit the arena. I didn’t think of Quaramba then, but it turned out to be the ideal way to cleanse the anxiety she had been feeling the last time we were there. At first she stayed outside, when some of the others were rolling and exploring inside. Rafi offered to wear the cavesson and we walked around a bit, going into an engagement. Quaramba spied us and came in. She checked everything out, including the new harrow, had several nice rolls and started browsing around the edges. When she started to eat the Willow cuttings over the fence (!) I put the cavesson on her, which she was happy with, and we had a lovely relaxing walk around.

We were stretching the calm energy into gentle walk exercises, staying focused on her comfort rather than pushing the yielding through. It seems such a subtle, yet entirely polar difference. To seek the way the yielding was helping both of us to feel more optimised and released.

This is different from concentrating into the act of yielding itself. When you consider it, it is different because in the former case you are listening to the whole dynamic. Including the way we feel, the way the yielding feels, and how the yielding is influencing the way we feel.


This is an inclusive, holistic perspective which connects and integrates everything in our mutual field. If there was only the one-dimensional focus on the yield itself, and making it happen, both its influence and the responses to it are neglected. So focusing on a result alone will diminish both the relationship and the result.

We really practiced this distinction another day when Totti was forward about going to the arena. I was tuning in to her a little and she felt a bit stiff in her joints. Her sweet itch is more active at this time of the year, and occasionally a tightness surfaces. We were just walking with that, feeling into a softer place and it occurred to me how much I love being present. With just this. This is a true desire, to explore how she feels, how I feel, and how magically everything is supporting us.

As we were really entering a high vibrational field around this, suddenly Totti wanted to stop and eat a particular plant. It grows in the marshy place at the bottom of the arena, and has an aniseed smell, and we could tap in so deeply to its medicinal properties. Of course healing doesn’t have to be compositional in the sense of including a substance. But when you reach the right resonance, everything in the vicinity and far out into the universe will begin flowing towards you…

I have been awakening to my own vibration, and the significance of it… it creates my world.. I have been letting go of my resistances, large and small. One interesting resistance recently was the idea that offering grooming services for the horses is not as meaningful as other connections. Again it was Totti who showed me quite how valuable it is in our relationship.

She can be a little sensitive because of her sweet itch, and I have been discovering the magic when I am deeply present. Tuning into her body and how she feels directly in her nerves and grooming her from this awareness, creates such a strong physical link. Surely it can be the foundation of all comfort training, the link which brings doing into being, and being into doing.

Healing Inside the Herd

Herd healing

Recently I have been doing more and more energy work with the herd. This started with herd assisted healing for Gabrielle and now I am including distance healings. We have been discovering the power of being very close physically, as well as energetically. The horses press their faces and muzzles into me, paw at times and sometimes press their chests and bellies against me.

There is a strong sense of them seeking the deepest, closest merge possible. This physical connecting is quite new, and I feel there is much to learn! So far it seems that the more focused I am into the energetic connection of the herd and the recipient, the less physical indications they will make. Although there is an element of it all being the same for them. They use their body just as easily and directly to express themselves as they use their energetic connection.

I feel that there is a key here to understanding how to train with a horse in a genuinely mutual way. They are so physically strong that we have traditionally focused on controlling that power. Most people feel more comfortable when their horse is in a head-collar or a bridle. Even stabling horses is an effective way of dumming down their natural exuberance.

Imagine that we could invite them to be powerful and expressive from a place of gentleness in ourselves. Not once they are already  conditioned to be controlled, but because we accept and allow that we are not as physically strong, and that is okay. 

The missing link that has become clear to me recently is so wonderful. Over my time with horses I have been refining what I really want. At the same time, without really realising it, I have been resisting those desires with certain beliefs. In the case of the horses, even stating those desires felt like it was crossing a line. For example I love riding. Yet I don’t want to force horses to be ridden, or, more accurately, do it without their desire. So rather than just allowing that the Universe can cater for that, I allowed this condition to suppress my desire to ride.

It is clear that we humans do this about everything. We want something and then we shoot it down with five reasons why we can’t have it. Now it has clicked that I can have everything that I desire, and it will be in alignment with the desires of those around me. Everything is energy and therefore everything that exists as a vibration, can exist in reality. All I have to do is vibrate it and the Universe will respond.

I see now that I was offering confusion in my desire to ride while not believing it was possible for it to be how I wanted. And this has been creating an unnecessary barrier. Well it was necessary so that I would eventually see it and understand fully, that everything is possible, and feel amazing about it.

When I took this magical discovery to Quaramba, she indicated that true desire is to experience ourselves as One…in all ways…and this can include our physical interaction of riding. Ultimately there must be the comprehension that we are One being splintering out into many only to experience re-merging again. This desire to ride can be the ultimate expression of that. She reflects my limiting beliefs back to me, and doubt in her is the doubt that my desire could be our desire… wow think about that.. our desire, maybe we came in to this life to experience sharing this desire. Maybe we chose something that is not yet fully embodied at this time, on this planet, so we would doubt it is possible. Only to go through the process of re-discovering faith and trust and enthusiasm in pure potential manifesting into reality.

And now I feel liberated to believe, imagine, engage with and desire the most magnificent riding experience. The horses will come from their present situation of choice and fulfilment and desire to interact with me. I have felt hints of this forwardness before when riding a horse, this genuine collaboration. It is a telepathic kind of communication that surpasses all technical, effortful interactions. This is not to say that there is not effort and physical development required. Yet the good will of a horse is above and beyond, a marvellous feeling that infuses every stride, every sensation between you, with an undeniable electricity of communion.

So this is it! I am free to vibrate at the highest possible intention for our partnership. This morning I was just doing this in the barn on a hay bale.

It didn’t take long for Quaramba to come over full of eagerness to share in the energetic creation of this new and ancient dream. I hope you are inspired to do the same. To help us to gently detach the limiting beliefs that arise so keenly, because they are not speaking the truth.

We can have everything as long as we become it within.

Creating the Dream

Leave a comment